Eric Cartman Vs. Stan Smith

In a duel between two cartoon warriors, Which one is more dangerous?

Eric Cartman Versus Stan Smith

Eric Cartman

The person:

Eric Theodore Cartman is a ten year old boy but is more to a monster then a boy.
He is the only son of Liane Cartman and Jack Tenorman. Altough he never knew that this man was his father because of a whole town coverup and he killed the man before Eric learned the truth.

I can talk a lot about the history of Eric Cartman but in the 15 seasons, Eric has done a lot of strange things and writing his bio would take a whole book or just copy past all information from the south park archives.
After considering what to do, I came to the conclusion that for this battle I will not write a bio because I cannot put Eric Cartman's deeds into words. Besides, I take it that you all know about this dangerous sociopath who has done enough misdeeds to be put to death several times.



The weapons:
I will start by saying that I will not use Cthulhu in this battle. I am fully aware that Eric used this monster but it would be a unfair advantage for Cartman and he would not battle himself then. Instead I have selected three other weapons he has used in the show. Cartman has shown wielding a lot of weapons so choosing was hard but in the end, I made a good selection.

The short range weapon of Eric Cartman is part of his coon outfit. The coonclaws. These sharp metal nails fit around the fingers of Eric cartman. He has four on each hand, eight metal nails in total. He can both slash and thrust with it. However, since the claws are rather small, he will choose to slash with it a lot more. Cartman has used this attack against a lot of people, including fellow superhero's and innocent people. He mainly uses this attack as a supriseattack where he slashes the victim in the face, leaving bloody marks. Because the metal nails fit around the finger, Eric can move them very well but will not be able to block.

Polly after being shot

The long range weapon for Eric is the magnum revolver. During the episode 1%, Eric killed off all his puppets. The last one was Polly Prissypants who has been shot with the revolver six times. Cartman has been shown to to be able to shoot the puppet six times in the head, even though the weapon had recoil.
It has six shots, is double-action and has a front sight. It has a good medium range to it and will be able kill kill with a first attack. This is the only time that Cartman ever showed using the revolver but he has used it with a lot of skill.
I would like to note that even though Cartman killed only a doll with this weapon, he has shown to be able to kill people with other guns.

The special weapon of Eric Cartman is his V-chip. During the south park movie bigger, longer and uncut, the parents of south park had decided to give Cartman a v-chip that shocks him with a small electric shock everytime he uses a curseword. However, when Eric is hit by electricity, he somehow gains the ability to use the v-chip as a weapon. When he curses someone, he can direct a electrical shock at that person.
He used this to defeat Saddam Hoessein and many demons.
The V-chip can shock other people and can electrocute them. The V-chip is a dangerous weapon that will react as electricity by merely using dirty words. This powerfull attack won't be able to fry the opponent with its first attack but after several attacks or several powerfull cursewords, Cartman will be able to unleash a killingblow.
the V-chips has great range and can be used as long as Cartman can use hit voice.


X-Factor:

Cartman is a sociopath. He is a extremist that hates a lot of different groups and wants them to die. Those groups are mainly jews, red-heads and hippy's. However, he has been able to be capable of murder and to be a sadistic bastard. Eric has killed a lot of people either directly or indirectly. When you make Cartman really angry, prepare to feel his wrath.
For example; Eric had the parents of Scott Tenormann killed, stole the body's and put the human meat in chili that he fed to Scott himself.
Another example was when a psychologist called Eric fat. Cartman just send a text message to the wife of the man with a police report that said the psychologist had slept with underage girls. As a result, the wife commited suicide. The last words of Cartman might be striking: 'I am not fat, I am big boned.'
To say it simply. If you are not one of his friends, do not make Cartman angry. It may be the last thing you do.


Links:
As always, I have a few links for you guys:

The bio of Eric. For those who do not know him, I suggest you read it to see what kind of monster Eric is.
http://southpark.wikia.com/wiki/Eric_cartman

Eric getting inverviewd. You can really see his egoism here:

And the best of Eric Cartman:

Stan Smith

The person:
As with Cartman, Stan is shown in every episode of his cartoon and has done a lot of strange things. As a proud American, father of two and having a talking german fish and a alien in his house, that means chaos. Especially considering he is a cia operative.

I am really sorry to say that I will be lazy again and will not post his entire bio. If I would post his bio, I would copy paste or write a whole book about the antics of Stan Smith.

The weapons:
Stan Smith is the weapon expert of the Cia and has training with a lot of weapons. He also has shown to have his house filled with weapons, most of which his wife does not know about. In the end, I chose three weapons for Stan that would fit in this match.

The short range weapon of Stan is a combat knife. In several episodes, Stan has shown wielding the knife or simply holding it. I can presume that stan has had a lot of training with the knife since he is a master of all sort of weapons. Using the knife for both cutting and thrusting, it is a small but dangerous weapon that can kill with ease.

The long range weapon of Stan Smith is the Glock 17. Stan carries two of them with him all the time and will be able to use both of them during the battle. It is the weapon most used by the american law-enforcement agencies and and since Stan is CIA, It is a obvlious choise for Stan.

It is a accurate range of 50 m and has 17 bullets per pistol. There is very little recoil and Stan is able to use both pistols at the same time, meaning he can fire 34 bullets at his opponent without reloading.

Stan really loves the glock and has used this type of weapon the most of any during the show. He has killed a lot of people and even some animals with this weapon and he shown to talk to and kiss his handguns. It is obvlious that Stan is very accurate with his weapon and this will be his main weapon during the battle.

The special weapon of Stan is the AR-15. This assault rifle was hidden in the kitchen of his wife and he has used it on some occasions.

The AR is a semi automatic assault rifle with a effective range of 547 yards and a a 30 round box magazine. It is a light and compact weapon. With his CIA training and militairy training, Stan could use this weapon very well.

On the picture, it is the upmost weapon.

  X-Factor

The X-factor of Stan is his pattriotism. He is a conservative American who is proud of his country. He has shown to have the American flag on several places in his house and even has a badge with the flag pinned to his suit. Stan will do everything to protect the nation he is proud of from harm.

Links: 

The Bio of Stan Smith:

http://americandad.wikia.com/wiki/Stan

And a clip:

The Edges:

Coon Claws Vs. Combat knife

- When I compare these weapon to weapon, I see a lot of differences. The coon claws are eight small knifes while the combat is one large knife. Both can be used in stabbing and cutting and altough the combat knife is larger, the coon claws are quicker and can be used with more agility. The coonclaws also have the advantage that Cartman has them on both hands.

- Neither warrior has any armour and both weapons will damage the other a lot. Both melee weapons can also be used to block the other however but I think that the combat knife is slightly better in it.

When both warriors fail to block, they are both open to any attack.

- As for skill, both warrior had a lot of skill with their weapons. Eric has shown to be able to suprise his opponent and cut up the faces, even the faces of adults while Stan had his training to rely on. To conclude, both are very skilled.

- In the end, I have to decide which weapon is more dangerous. The coon claws or the combat knife. Both are dangerous in their own way. The coonclaws are quick small blades and are used in both hands. The combat knife is larger and can do more damage. This one is really close but in the end, I have to give it to the coon claws because of the suprise factor that Cartman uses.

Edge: Eric Cartman

Magnum Revolver Vs. Glock 17

- These are two sidearms with around the same accurate range. The magnum revolver is a very powerfull gun, has six bullets and recoil. The glocks are two weapons with 17 bullets each. Both can be used at the same time, both are semi automatic and thus can shoot faster then the revolver. The pistols also have very little recoil and recovering is more easy.

- Neither warrior has any defence against the weapons of each other and both Eric and Stan will be able to shoot each other apart if they have the chance.

- As for skill, both warriors were very skilled with their weapons. Eric has shown to shoot a small doll in the even smaller head several times and not bothering about the recoil. That shows skill. Stan on the other hand, has shown a lot of skill also during the show.

- Now I have to make a final decision. This seems obvlious and honestly, it is.

The magnum revolver has more power but the glocks have more ammunion, it fires faster and there are two of them. The glocks will kill much more then the single revolver.

Edge: Stan Smith

V-Chip Vs. AR-15

- This is a match between to dangerous weapons. The v-chip can shock Stan Smith with a lethal dose or just weaken the agent while the AR can wound or kill with bullets. Both can be used from a long range altough the range of the AR will be a bit longer.

The v-chip can be used by simply cursing and it very simple. The more curses, the more powerfulll the attack and to kill, Eric needs to build up the electricity with several cursewords and then unleash them for a kill. Otherwise, the attack simply weakens or stuns.

The AR is a worthy and proven assault rifle that has not problem with killing. This semi-automatic weapon has 30 bullets to kill Cartman before it needs to reload. However, because it needs to reload it a weak point in this match.

- As for armour. Neither warrior can protect himself against the weapon of the opponent and both will be hit without any means to protect themselfs.

- For skill, both warriors are greatly skilled. Eric took down several demons and Saddam Hoessein using his newfound electrical power. Smith on the other hand, is a cia operative and could handle himself very well using this weapon.

- I give the egde to the AR-15 for two important reasons. The first one is that the AR can kill faster then the V-Chip. While the v-chip is loading up, Stan can shoot his opponent.

The other reason has to do with the effects of electricity. When you get shocked, your muscles tighten and when Stan Smith is holding his AR-15, he may accidently fire at Cartman, killing him.

Edge: Stan Smith  

Please note that the following match contains harsh language and violance to children and animals. I do not encourage violance towards animals and children and I also do not support harsh language. This Match is written for fun and should be read as fun. The harsh language used in this fight do not represent my ideas and thoughts, merely the character that uses them. These are cartoon figures and should be treated as such. Underage reading is discourages by me.

The fight:

Stan walked with a slow but steady pace towards he office of his boss. He knew that he was going to get a new mission and was ready for it. Francine was annoying as hell lately and Stan knew that some killing might give him some rest. He walked past a few scientists that were researching a red headed boy, a sigar smoking robot and a one eyed, purple haired girl. 'Test the shit out of them' Stan spoke with a smile. The guys simply nodded as they continued their testing on these time traveling aliens.

Finally arrived at the office of his boss, he stepped in to find his chief sitting behind the deks and a small boy who had the upperhalf of his face covered with a hoody. The boy also wore a cape and had both a questionmark on his shirt as on his head. 'Who are you?' Stan asked.  'Well, I am your chief agent Smith and I have a mission.' spoke the old man, who was bald apart from the grey hair around his temples. 

'I know who you are' Stan Spoke. 'I mean him' The boy only said: 'Who I am does not matter.' 

'Stan I want you to take out Eric Cartman.' Avery Bullock spoke. Stan took the dossier from the desk and spoke out. 'But, This is just a youg boy.' 'This is no innocent young boy' The masked boy spoke in a low voice. 'He tried to kill all jews and hippies and he might destroy the world.' 'NOOOO!' Stan yelled out. 'The world is where America is and America is my home country.' Eric Cartman is a monster that once fed a boy human flesh.' The masked boy spoke. It was then that Chief Bullocks took the conversation. Our intel says that Eric is heading towards Quahog, Rhode Island to kill the Griffin family. It is your job to stop him killing those Americans.' 'Very well'  Stan Smith spoke and as he turned to the boy, he noticed him gone.

it was a quiet neighberhood where the red 4x4 stopped. The first person to step out of the car was a small but fat boy with a red jacket and a red hat. The next one was a longer and thinner boy of similair age. This one had yellow skin, spiked hair and had a skateboard with him. 'If that is all, I will be heading home.' The driver spoke. 'Thank you mister Hank Hill.' Eric said.

When the car drove away again, Eric smiled. He finally could kill family guy. This was what he had waited for so long. He hated every bit of Familiy guy, from the stupid jokes that did not make any sense at all to the absence of a storyline, a plot. Finally, the world would be rid of family guy. 'I HATE FAMILY GUY!' He yelled as he turned red. 'Chill out man.' Bart spoke.

Just as the two of them headed towards the Griffin house, a black SUV stopped and a man with a broad chest and a large chin stepped out. He took his gun and yelled. 'CIA, I am here to arrest Eric Cartman.' 

'NOOO' Eric yelled. He was so close and would see this thing till the end. 'Bart take care of him' Eric spoke and he hurried himself towards the house. 'Fuckers!' He yelled and a shock broke the lock. 

Bart raced on his skateboard towards Stan Smith and used his slingshot to fire pellets. The first few hit the chest of the agent and did little damage but one of them hit Stan in the head. Stan fired his glock and hit the boy in the stumach. Stan then drew his knife and ran towards the yellow boy. The boy rolled backwards,  took his skateboard and deflected a attack with the knife. He then hit Stan in the face with this improvised weapon. Stan grabbed the skateboard quickly and pulled it out of the hands of the boy. After he had thrown it away, Bart jumped up and started choking Stan, as Homer always did with Bart. Stan slashed the boy across the chest with his combat knife and threw the boy against a tree. He drew his AR-15 and started firing. The bullets hit the boy in the chest and the face. Bart Simpson was dead. 

Inside the house, another duel was on its peak. There, Cartman was fighting with the resident dog Brian. After he found that the rest of the family was away, the two had started fighing and destroyed almost everything in the house. Brian bit Cartman in the arm and after calling the dog 'Asstampon' a shock had send Brian backwards. Eric used that time to slash Brian in the face with the coonclaws and threw the white dog from the stairs. Knocking over a vase, Brian howled and ran towards the door. Eric shocked the dog again and ran after him. Just as Brian stood firmly again, Eric took his revolver and fired two shots at the dog. The first shot hit Brian in the chest but the second one hit the forehead. Blood was all around the house and now pieces of brain joined the mess. The first member of family guy was dead.

Stan walked through the door, his AR-15 ready when he suddenly got blasted backwards. His assault rifle got thrown away as Stan flew back into the garden. Eric had used his V-chip to send his opponent backwards and appeared now in the doorway. Using both Glocks, Stan Started shooting the small boy, who managed to avoid all bullets as he ran towards the safety of a tree. As Stan was reloading his weapons, Eric jumped from cover and fired his last five rounds. Three missed target while one bullet hit the shoulder of the Cia and one hit the leg. Stan dropped the pistol in his right hand and Eric walked towards him to kick Stan in the balls. He then slashed the CIA agent several times in the face.

The claws left bloody marks all across the face and Stan walked backwards to the road. A car came by and hit Stan. The American dad flew in the air and landed on the hard street again. Just as Cartman was to finish Stan off, Stan blocked a coonclaw attack with his combat knife and slashed out, hitting the arm of Cartman. The fat boy cried out in pain and Stan slashed the chest of the boy. 'Gay Twat' The boy yelled and the v-chip pushed Stan Backwards again, into another garden. He had pooped his pants. 

Cartman came stand on the road and started cursing: 'Gay, asshole, pussyass, Jew, homo, doglicker, Asslicker, Vagina, tampon, Barbara Strei'  Before Cartman could finish the sentence, he got shot in the chest and toppled over. Stan had taken this time to recover and fire at the fatass. Walking towards the boy, Stan yelled out. 'For America!' He then killed Eric Cartman with a shot in the head.

Stan fired some rounds in the air and took his phone to call his boss. 'Boss, it is done, Cartman is dead.' He spoke, with pride in his voice. 'Very well, agent Smith' Came the reply. 'You need to clean up and go to Stoolbend Virginia. A black man, a small man, a bear and a hicky are causing trouble over there.' 'Yes sir' Stan spoke as he saluted.

At that moment in the small town of Southpark Colorado, three boys stood waiting for the bus. 'O my god, they killed Cartman' Stan Marsh spoke out. 'The....Lucky bastards.' Kyle said. The boys were speechless for a moment when  three bullets fell from the air and hit the third boy, one in a orange parka, in the head. 'Duuudde' was all Stan could say as he saw how Kenny died. 

Some time later, Peter Griffin and his family came home and discovered the body's. When they walked inside and saw that Brian was dead, Peter got angry for the death of his good friend. 'O Lois, if I get the man who did this' He spoke. 'I would fight him just as I fought Mickey Mouse for that deadliest warrior episode.' After waiting for a clip that would not show, Lois sighed and spoke. 'Peter, that did not happen yet' 'oooooo' The fat man responded. 'That reminds me of the time that I remembered something that did not happen yet.' After that, a clip of a few seconds before was shown.

Winner: Stan Smith

This was not really a competiton. Cartman is really dangerous but in this battle, he was outmatched in both skill and and weaponry by Stan Smith. 

Stan had the better training and far more better weapons. His Glocks would give the most kills, since he would use them the most. Then would come the AR-15 and ofcourse the combat knife. The combat knife would score slightly worse then the coonclaws.

Cartman tried really hard but what lacked most was lethality with the coon claws and the V-chip was hurt because it would take way too long to get a kill. 

The best weapon of Cartman would be his magnum revolver.

In DW terms, Stan would get around 750 kills while Cartman must be happy with 250.

Before you guys stop reading, I have a suprise. Not only will I show the fighters for the last match, I will also announce which 13 warriors will fight in the Island of Fear tournament.

The last Match will be a fight between two powerfull females. 

Now for the announcement of the 13 warrior chosen to compete in the tournament. Your votes were really helpfull and I thank you guys for it.

Azula

Batman

Dirty Harry

Eric Cartman

Hero of Oakvale

The Joker

Mewtwo

Reaver

Ryu Hayabusa

Storm

Sub-Zero

Yoda

Zuko